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Posts Tagged ‘Prayer’

We did it! We are officially in Kentucky. In a few short days we will have moved into our new home completely. In two weeks I will be moving out of that same home to live on campus and hopefully we live happily ever after. But before this sounds too easy, let me give you a little piece of the in between stuff.

Let me start with saying packing is not easy and neither is moving 800 miles away. So let me share with you some of the things I’ve learned this time around:

1. Don’t bring your favorite blanket on the trip, only to have your cat poop on it, in the car, on the way…

2. Keep a good eye on your underwear because you might end up getting to your destination unsure of where all but 4 pairs have ended up…

3. Pray for patience. I don’t know how many times I’ve said, “I’m about to slap somebody,” this week. (Not something I’m proud of.) For those wondering, I haven’t slapped anyone..yet.

4. Kentucky Fried Chicken doesn’t taste better in Kentucky. This was a let down. I just miss wawa.

5. I have to remember that New Jersey is the state I USE to live in not the one I currently live in. Still working on this one in my head.. So no one ask me where I’m from for now!

Now for what’s really on my heart (if you haven’t had enough honesty from me today).

I miss my friends. I miss someone I really care about. I miss my old house. I miss my church and my pastors. I miss wawa and jug handles. I miss the beach. I miss crazy adventures with my best friends. I miss consistency and familiarity. I miss it all. I never thought these words would come out of my mouth in relation to Jersey.

Here’s a recent entry from my journal:

Dear Lord,

I feel so upset. I feel like I’m just now beginning to doubt your plan. You knew I would though; you knew I would come to this place of doubt. You knew how you would be there for me through it to. I know you will be there for me. I know I can’t ask you to make this easier for me. This wasn’t meant to be easy. I only ask that, Lord, you be ever so near to me. That I boldly and without fear walk by faith. I am yours. For who alone can save me? I love you. Draw near to me. Slow down this dance that I may find my place again.

Sincerely,
Liberty

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I sit here and type this thinking, I have no motivation whatsoever. No motivation to attack my to do list, none to take a shower or to even write this post. I am at a time in my life when I feel as though I have no purpose. Have you ever been here? I’m not taking summer classes, neither am I working at all. I’m just preparing. In preparation for things to come. Don’t get me wrong, I have a massive to do list that encompasses everything from applying for on-campus housing to packing my room up in boxes, but not even these things sound the least bit interesting. So I sit here. No motivation. No purpose. What’s the point of life right now? I’m one of those people who needs a purpose. I refuse to strive for the laziest person award. (But that does not mean I don’t have my lazy moments.) I just need a passion. A routine. Some consistency. I need to feel useful. Life is not giving me any of these things right now. Not even the lemons. So what can I do when I get to this point? Give up, throw the towel in? Or wait patiently for this to pass? I’m certaintly on the fence with this one. But I’m learning more and more that my life is not defined by where I work or what classes I’m taking. If I’m looking for a passion in this world, I’m going to be looking for a long time because each one will eventually fade away. The only thing I can have faith in, is that God is good. Simply that. That He has good for me and what I have now is good. Now, I’m not quite getting to where I need to be and I know this won’t happen overnight. But I am learning to take one day at a time, because looking at the big picture, just isn’t helpful right now. All I can do is pray and go buy some lemons.

He’s ALWAYS Enough,
Liberty

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So about 3 weeks ago, I was at work. Minding my own business. Well, somewhat. We were outside attempting to entertain the little ones (middle school students) for a few short minutes before the program was over for the day. Leading a type of hand game, I suddenly heard various individuals around me yell, “Watch out!” Without the slightest knowledge of what was to come next, I was hit from behind with a football. I wasn’t knocked down, it simply made me stumble. Other than that it didn’t really affect me all that much. I couldn’t tell you much about what happened after I was hit. I remember two students talking to me about it while I responded, but I have no idea what they were saying or what I said back. We soon after went inside and that was when it began. I felt nauseous, dizzy and a horrible headache made its way to the back of my head. I ignored the pain but wondered if I could have suffered a concussion. I’m one of those people who searches my symptoms on webmd as soon as they appear and that’s exactly what I did. Despite my ill symptoms I drove home moments later hoping that I would feel better. However, I was wrong, the pain only got worse. That night it was so bad I couldn’t lift my head up. The next two days it was difficult to walk. I stayed in bed all weekend and went MIA to the world. By Monday I was feeling a little better. I was able to go to class but took the day off from work. The next day I returned to my usual schedule being busy as any ordinary day. I would take Aleve and simply ignore the pain. Life is too busy to get caught up in such a thing, at least that is how I felt about. I finally went to see a doctor almost a week later. The doctor told me what webmd already had, it was in fact, a concussion that I suffered and I should feel better in a week or so.

Now, this is the way I saw it. Life is busy for me right now. Between class, homework assignments, work, friends, church and the prospects of moving at the end of the summer. I am one busy woman. I enjoy being busy, there is nothing I hate more than sitting at home doing nothing. The less time I have to think about stuff like myself the better. Or so I thought.. This kind of thinking can backfire on you. You see, I think too little of myself, that’s why I ignored the pain and moved on. I didn’t want to see a doctor and if my pain would not have been so bad, I would have never went to one anyway. But time and time again, the Lord uses these times to sit me down and teach me very important lessons. I realized that I needed my life to slow down a little. That I am spending a tremendous amount of time on things that will whither away. I came to the realization that my life really is a vapor and that everyday I live because of the Lord. I learned all of this mostly because of the of fact that you can die from a concussion. Now, obviously, I was not hit very hard with the football. But it was still the worse injury I have ever been inflicted with. With this being said, I am recovering well. I feel almost myself again and am so ready to take on life headfirst. No more catching footballs with my head though. I am dying to go to Africa and hold some orphaned babies. To watch God work in my family. To see my best friend pursue her dream of writing. To see another best friend pursue teaching english as a second language. To meet the man of my dreams. To grow more into a Lady of Faith. More to come soon.

He’s Always Enough,
Liberty Stripped of her Pride

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Dear Lord,

This sucks. I hate it all. Everything. Nothing seems to be going right. My whole world is falling a part. Where are you? Its so dark, I don’t know where to begin to look for you. Why are you allowing this to go on? Why must I suffer? It all changes with a blink of an eye, and you expect me to be okay with it? You expect me to go with the flow. To lean on you. To accept the change. You call me not to rely on my own strength. To believe that I am more than a conqueror through Him who first loved me? I don’t know if I can do that. I don’t know if I will make it. I’m not sure I have as much confidence in myself as you do. Everything is going wrong. My life is turning upside down. I’m angry. I’m broken. I’m confused. Yet, you say you will carry me through this. Yet, you say I don’t have to be weary. You tell me to not let go. You ask that I trust you and walk in faith. But is my faith big enough? Are you enough? Because I thought all of the things around me were enough. Now, those same things are deserting me. They’re changing. Unlike you. You never change. You never leave. You never forsake me. You don’t stop loving me. You never give up on me. You don’t reject me. You don’t say hurtful things to me. You don’t let me down. You want me to hold on. You want to love me. You want me to believe from the bottom of my heart that you are enough. You are on my side. You hold me when no one else will. You comfort me when no one else can. You give me the peace I can’t get anywhere else. You encourage me. You free my soul. You have saved me. You believe in me. You love me. You will never stop loving me. You are enough. You are all that I have. All that I have is enough. I can live with that. As long as you can live with me. I have no joy a part from you.

You are always enough,
Liberty Stripped of her Pride

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