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Posts Tagged ‘Illness’

Some think that happiness has lots to do with money. Still others think it has to do with their significant other wrapped around their finger. For me, happiness is deciding I am going to be happy anyway. A good friend recently told me that the only person who keeps me from being happy, is myself. I didn’t exactly want to hear that at the time but they were words I will never forget. I think about happiness a lot because of my depressive episodes. When I have one of my bad days, sometimes I will sit and think about what it felt like to be happy before. I’ll think about whether I could become happy if I was given something, went somewhere else or was with someone I wanted to be with. But in the end, each of those things I know, have the ability to leave me desperate for something else -something more. In a world where we have TV, magazines, books and people telling you to eat chocolate, drink wine or go after that man you have been waiting for; we forget that those things don’t bring us very much happiness for long. We look around and see the objects that make others happy and we wonder why we can’t feel that way too.

As I prepare to move with my family nine hours away at the end of the summer; I can’t help, but be far from happy. I’m loosing my friends, my church, my job, everything that I have known for four years now. I ask myself, how could I be happy? I mean seriously, I’m about to be stripped of the very things I love. Tell me how to find joy in that and I would appreciate it. Why should I be happy, after all things aren’t going my way right now. Sometimes I feel like telling people to get back to me with that happiness crap, when they’re going through the same thing I am. Then just as my moment of despair gets close to breaking me. I remember the person who chose to be happy for me. I think about how he lived for 33 years. He knew he would die, it was the whole reason why he was born. Yet, for 33 years he didn’t act like he was going to die. He chose happiness. Because he knew there is something so much more than this life. He didn’t walk around with the illness that afflicted him. That illness was my sin. So why should I live as if I carry it now, when he’s already done it for me.

So, what is happiness for me, you might ask? Its choosing to fight even when I feel like I have nothing left. Its choosing to love when I don’t feel loved back. Its choosing to smile when the pain tries to stop me. Its choosing to live as if I knew I would died tomorrow and die, as if I’d live forever. Its choosing Christ’s way, rather than my own way.

He’s Always Enough,
Liberty

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For the first time in my life I saw my parents exemplify, “For better or for worse.” For the first time, I understand what it means to be with someone through the beautiful and ugly, the nice and the bad. Especially the hurt and lonely times. The joyful and the exciting times. For the first time, I understand a little more about what Christ did for me. For the first time I know what I want my own marriage to be like one day. For the first time, I know that I can’t know a deeper love unless I know my heavenly Father’s love. God knows I desire to serve him all the days of my life. But do I realize that also means the man I fall in love with one day. The one I will give the rest of my life to serve. The man I will follow. The man I will promise, “For better or for worse.” What does it mean to lay down your life for her, just as Christ laid down his life for us? What does that practically look like? How can you be sure she loves you for better or for worse? How will you love him when he isn’t loving you back?

Let me explain. This past weekend my dad began having back pain. It was so bad, that he decided to go to the doctor Monday morning. He went and had an ultra sound which came up with no results. They then sent him in for a cat scan and still found nothing. A few days later we got a call saying that my dad had two kidney stones.
Now, i work, I’m taking five classes. I tend to have a social life. Other times I can be selfish with my free time. I have different things that I am struggling with right now; But while I was dealing with all the things surrounding my life. My mom was spilling out, “For better or for worse,” throughout her day. She was helping my dad walk, she sat by his side and kept him company. She made him breakfast and took it upstairs to him. She eagerly took up his responsibilities. She did what she had to do. She did all she had to do with a smile and a positive attitude. I want to be that type of women. You know, the woman Proverbs 31 describes as:

-Far more precious than rubies
-Trustworthy
-Gets up early and is not lazy with her time
-Strength shown brightly through her life
-She never gives up
-Has time for her family and others as well
-Not stressed about the future
-Speaks when it is appropriate and says only things that honor God
-Others are blessed by her
-Her inner beauty is what shines through, she doesn’t have to hide behind make up

So there it is, a lesson worth learning.

He is always enough,
Liberty Stripped of her Pride

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