Is He Enough?

When I look at certain things in my life, sometimes it feels like they are enough. I mean, when people tell me that I am wonderful, it makes me feel amazing. The career that I am planning for, its pretty exciting. I know I am going to love what I will do, that has got to be enough! Now you want to talk about boys? Well, that is simple, I will get married one day and we will live happily ever after. This stuff will make me happy, right?

Sometimes I try to convince myself they are enough. That they satisfy me and make me happy. There are days when I believe that I can keep living like all of those things will get me through this life. A life where children are starving and being beaten. A life where people go to bed hungry at night, in most parts of the world at least. I live in a world where women are seen as objects and are sold like antiques to be displayed. How can those things be enough when so many people in the world are without them?

Could He be enough for the broken and the oppressed? Could He be enough for me and for them? I think about the destiny we all have. Because we have fallen short of the glory of God through our sin, we deserve to be punished. We deserve hell. Grace, has been shown to us. I needed to be saved and Christ has stood in my place. God loves us and does not treat us as though we deserve his wrath any longer. Still not sure if he is enough?

God has sustained me time and time again. When my faith was weak, he showed me true faith. When my eyes were blind, he opened them and when my heart was dark, he brought light to it. When I thought I had no hope and that this world was too much for me to handle, He reminded me that He is my hope and the world is not too much for Him.

Could he possibly be better than anything I could dream up? Could he be better than rain? Could he be better than love? He never changes and promises to never leave me. Could he be better than guys? Perhaps better than receiving compliments and pleasing people? Could he be better than sunsets or gold? Or chocolate mousse? Could the sun be shining for him? Could he be the mastermind behind spring, summer, fall and winter? Could he hold me in his arms even when he feels far away? He has and he always will.

He is the blood that flows through my veins. The tears that fall down my face. He is the wind I feel through my hair. God is my everything. I was created to know him.

He’s Always Enough,
Liberty

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Kentucky Fried Chicken and Other Unfortunate Events

We did it! We are officially in Kentucky. In a few short days we will have moved into our new home completely. In two weeks I will be moving out of that same home to live on campus and hopefully we live happily ever after. But before this sounds too easy, let me give you a little piece of the in between stuff.

Let me start with saying packing is not easy and neither is moving 800 miles away. So let me share with you some of the things I’ve learned this time around:

1. Don’t bring your favorite blanket on the trip, only to have your cat poop on it, in the car, on the way…

2. Keep a good eye on your underwear because you might end up getting to your destination unsure of where all but 4 pairs have ended up…

3. Pray for patience. I don’t know how many times I’ve said, “I’m about to slap somebody,” this week. (Not something I’m proud of.) For those wondering, I haven’t slapped anyone..yet.

4. Kentucky Fried Chicken doesn’t taste better in Kentucky. This was a let down. I just miss wawa.

5. I have to remember that New Jersey is the state I USE to live in not the one I currently live in. Still working on this one in my head.. So no one ask me where I’m from for now!

Now for what’s really on my heart (if you haven’t had enough honesty from me today).

I miss my friends. I miss someone I really care about. I miss my old house. I miss my church and my pastors. I miss wawa and jug handles. I miss the beach. I miss crazy adventures with my best friends. I miss consistency and familiarity. I miss it all. I never thought these words would come out of my mouth in relation to Jersey.

Here’s a recent entry from my journal:

Dear Lord,

I feel so upset. I feel like I’m just now beginning to doubt your plan. You knew I would though; you knew I would come to this place of doubt. You knew how you would be there for me through it to. I know you will be there for me. I know I can’t ask you to make this easier for me. This wasn’t meant to be easy. I only ask that, Lord, you be ever so near to me. That I boldly and without fear walk by faith. I am yours. For who alone can save me? I love you. Draw near to me. Slow down this dance that I may find my place again.

Sincerely,
Liberty

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Pretty is. Beauty does.

Pretty is. Beauty does. I heard this on a commercial recently and began to think about this. I mean, what could it possibly mean? Every girl wants to be pretty. We want to feel pretty and be told we are. But what about this thing called beauty? What could that be about? I hate to break it to some of you, but its not just about a girl who loves to read and ends up in a mansion with a harry beast, its much, much more! Lucky for us, we are to be called beauty too.

Recently, I was having lunch with some friends and we were talking about relationships. I confessed that I struggled with my definition of beauty. I feel as though I don’t have anything to bring to the table of marriage. I mean, what will I be able to offer my husband one day? I can’t really cook, neither do I care to honestly. I’m not very intellectual. I can’t talk on various subjects and don’t have profound knowledge on very much. I don’t always please everyone. I don’t always wear the right thing or show up at the right time. I certainly never say the right thing or respond the right way. So what could possibly be beautiful about me? Seriously. As my confession came to a close, I expressed what I am passionate about; however cliche it may be. Its the truth. I love people. I love holding orphans in Africa. I love loving people. I love caring for and helping people. I love being there for people. I love my family. There is nothing I love more than holding babies, any babies! But that’s all I have going for me and that’s my heart. My friends began to laugh as they looked at me puzzled. They obviously knew something I didn’t.

You see, I was looking at my strength as a weakness. I was forgetting the fact that I have loved. This then reminded us of what 1 Corinthians 13 says: “If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains but have not love, I am nothing. If I gave away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.”

I realized the Bible says something quite differently about the beauty I possess. My friends also helped me realize that the very essence of my beauty is incredible. In fact, these verses greatly encourage what my heart longs for. The beauty the world asks of me is meaningless, its beauty that chases after the wind. What I gained from all of this? Who gives a rats rear that I can’t tell time backwards, recite the constitution or make French cuisine. According to Corinthians, if I have not loved, I am nothing. As a matter of fact, I’m not content with being nothing. I would rather love while I can. And that my dear reader, is my beauty. So whether my hair looks a hot mess tomorrow, my clothes don’t match or I don’t end up eating that great of a breakfast due to my lack of skill; I know that beauty is defined differently for each of us, because its defined by beauty itself.

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My Pursuit of Happiness

Some think that happiness has lots to do with money. Still others think it has to do with their significant other wrapped around their finger. For me, happiness is deciding I am going to be happy anyway. A good friend recently told me that the only person who keeps me from being happy, is myself. I didn’t exactly want to hear that at the time but they were words I will never forget. I think about happiness a lot because of my depressive episodes. When I have one of my bad days, sometimes I will sit and think about what it felt like to be happy before. I’ll think about whether I could become happy if I was given something, went somewhere else or was with someone I wanted to be with. But in the end, each of those things I know, have the ability to leave me desperate for something else -something more. In a world where we have TV, magazines, books and people telling you to eat chocolate, drink wine or go after that man you have been waiting for; we forget that those things don’t bring us very much happiness for long. We look around and see the objects that make others happy and we wonder why we can’t feel that way too.

As I prepare to move with my family nine hours away at the end of the summer; I can’t help, but be far from happy. I’m loosing my friends, my church, my job, everything that I have known for four years now. I ask myself, how could I be happy? I mean seriously, I’m about to be stripped of the very things I love. Tell me how to find joy in that and I would appreciate it. Why should I be happy, after all things aren’t going my way right now. Sometimes I feel like telling people to get back to me with that happiness crap, when they’re going through the same thing I am. Then just as my moment of despair gets close to breaking me. I remember the person who chose to be happy for me. I think about how he lived for 33 years. He knew he would die, it was the whole reason why he was born. Yet, for 33 years he didn’t act like he was going to die. He chose happiness. Because he knew there is something so much more than this life. He didn’t walk around with the illness that afflicted him. That illness was my sin. So why should I live as if I carry it now, when he’s already done it for me.

So, what is happiness for me, you might ask? Its choosing to fight even when I feel like I have nothing left. Its choosing to love when I don’t feel loved back. Its choosing to smile when the pain tries to stop me. Its choosing to live as if I knew I would died tomorrow and die, as if I’d live forever. Its choosing Christ’s way, rather than my own way.

He’s Always Enough,
Liberty

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The Prayer of a Broken Heart

Dear Lord,

This sucks. I hate it all. Everything. Nothing seems to be going right. My whole world is falling a part. Where are you? Its so dark, I don’t know where to begin to look for you. Why are you allowing this to go on? Why must I suffer? It all changes with a blink of an eye, and you expect me to be okay with it? You expect me to go with the flow. To lean on you. To accept the change. You call me not to rely on my own strength. To believe that I am more than a conqueror through Him who first loved me? I don’t know if I can do that. I don’t know if I will make it. I’m not sure I have as much confidence in myself as you do. Everything is going wrong. My life is turning upside down. I’m angry. I’m broken. I’m confused. Yet, you say you will carry me through this. Yet, you say I don’t have to be weary. You tell me to not let go. You ask that I trust you and walk in faith. But is my faith big enough? Are you enough? Because I thought all of the things around me were enough. Now, those same things are deserting me. They’re changing. Unlike you. You never change. You never leave. You never forsake me. You don’t stop loving me. You never give up on me. You don’t reject me. You don’t say hurtful things to me. You don’t let me down. You want me to hold on. You want to love me. You want me to believe from the bottom of my heart that you are enough. You are on my side. You hold me when no one else will. You comfort me when no one else can. You give me the peace I can’t get anywhere else. You encourage me. You free my soul. You have saved me. You believe in me. You love me. You will never stop loving me. You are enough. You are all that I have. All that I have is enough. I can live with that. As long as you can live with me. I have no joy a part from you.

You are always enough,
Liberty Stripped of her Pride

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My Prince Charming?

I want a Job 29 man. Why? Let me tell you something. But first, go read Job 29 when you get the chance.

Now, why do I want to spend the rest of my life with a Job 29 man. Because he is admirable. He is proactive, not lazy or ill-mannered. He is responsible. He’s respected by all. Nothing but kind words come from his mouth. People call him blessed. He reaches his arms far and wide to those who need to be loved. He serves as eyes to the blind and feet to the lame. His heart has wholly been stolen by Christ. He is friendly to strangers and pursues relationships. He is strong in stature and in faith. Wisdom walks with him and others know this. He lives for nothing but to bring glory to God. He encourages others and sees the need for encouragement when one has no hope left. Children look up to him and he brings laughter to their hearts. He longs for God’s presence. He has faith that God holds all things in his hands. He desires his heart to be changed through God’s word. He is genuine with God and with people. He is honored, even by those older than he is. He denies himself so that Christ may become greater in his life. He turns the other cheek. If someone robs him of his shoes, he offers his shirt as well. He delights in the worship of his creator and worships as if he’s been waiting his whole life for such a moment. He is not prideful. He does not judge others. He is aware of his need for a Savior. He’s looking for a Proverbs 31 woman. He cares about my heart and the beauty that encompasses it. He is patiently waiting for what the Lord wants to give him. He believes in true love. He is a hard worker. He knows that nothing can be done in his own strength. He lives everyday walking in humility and by faith. I want him to love God more than he loves me. I want this man because I know he will lead me, love me, serve me, cherish me and honor me. I want this man because his biggest passion is to love the Lord with all his heart.

So there you go. That is the kind of man I am looking for. That is the kind of man God hopes for me. That is the kind of man I will wait for, and I will not settle for anything less. Now, are my standards too high? I don’t think so, after all, I have to live in such a way to honor this man. So with that being said, his standards should be just as high for me. Hope this inspires you.

Salutations,

Liberty Stripped of her Pride

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